at times, it's not that i'm not hurting
or that i get over things fast
i choose to divert my thoughts away from it
and tell myself "it's in the past"

there is an unwillingness in me
to just take everything as it is
cause is it really me that is the thorn
or is it high expectations

there is a cry in me
that yells "UNFAIR! THIS IS UNFAIR"
i don't think i deserved it. i really don't

but at the end of the day,
i make peace with people
i'm always the one who give in
so much so, i wonder if there is just anyone who actually stands by me

try being screamed at, scolded or told off for minor things
and having to say i'm sorry first

even when my work is copied
so in-my-face-ly
what can i say? what can i do?
i feel so much lke slapping the person
or say, "give the credits to me"

that's just fair, isn't it?

but life doesn't work things out for me like this all the time
at times i feel as though i cannot afford to make a single mistake
for every mistake made causes me another consequence
and it's always a huge one

i seriously don't get life
and i never will
it's really awful to knw your arm is still hurting at this moment
while things are going on
things at work, things out of work

after ranting, maybe i'll feel better and just move on with life
jo asked me why i feel motivated to come early even after shit happens
and in my heart, my answer was it's because i'm used to it

i forgot the definition of joy
or the meaning of recognition
being creative is one thing
being noticed is another

tomorrow will be good
i know it will

xoxo,
pearl

some words are like a slap on the face
shit happens. all the time
one after another, i ask myself, when will all these end

i remember her prayers for me
for me to have a good sleep
but i reckon
tonight's gonna be a long night

i forgot when did it began
that whenever there's a conflict
no matter between who, no matter regardless what
i swallow it in and just take things as it is
it's always me. about me. bad me. me change. change me.

i hate to fight back
i hate to reason out
and that's why slowly, i hate to say my inner most feelings

for awhile i need to escape
for awhile i need some air
the load's too heavy for me to carry on
it slows me down to find me back

i put on a new hat of optimism
tomorrow's a new chapter
let worries be bygones
and tear stained shirts be memories


because i learn to listen
i forgot how to speak


"the sun rays that waketh me from thy sleep shall marketh the commencement of moving forth"

goodnight cyber world
u hear me well

xoxo,
yours truly

They say there is a season for everything
I think there is a season for break ups
for I feel it's here.

within 2 weeks, i saw 3 couples broke up

that's just sad


it's true we don't have to 'reserve' that special place for the guy we fancy
for love doesn't come knocking on your door like a gentleman
it intrudes unknowingly

many times we hold special desires in our hearts
hoping the guy we like to just like us back

instead of loving someone 100%
i rather find someone who loves me 100%
and i 99%
it's selfish i know
but being a lady, there are much more to lose than the man

recently, i fractured my arm
i don't know if it's bad
but the doc says it's a rare fracture

my arm seemed more painful these days
but i know it will get better
within a short 4 day getaway to redang,
i feel that my life restarted back to 4 months ago

i changed a job,
i have lots of free time now
i realise stuff in regards to love
i am determined to change my lifestyle
i lost and is slowly regaining confidence

at that very point when i needed someone and no one was around,i understood fear and loneliness
it's no joke getting injured in malaysia with people whom you know but... not totally that close to
the realisation of the fracture was also shocking
and the inconvenience thereafter... i totally don't know how to explain

i am a 'fast-fast' person. i hate inconvenience, i hate to be slow
this fracture ain't helping at all.
and i know i can't rely on people to help me do things
like buckling my jeans and bra, i just have to bear with the pain and find a way to do it.

just a note to myself: IF my other half were to experience a fracture or dislocation. i will definitely show LOTS of care even through my busy schedule. for nothing beats the well-being of my other half.
for i understand what it's like to be 'forsaken' and i know it will hurt my other half deeply for a long time if i just carried on with my never-ending work. there will be a sense of rejection (like seriously)

well, my arm is getting better. much better. i will not forget the nasty redang doc who asked for 150RM consultation fees. he didn't even know it was a fracture and forced me to do IMPOSSIBLE stunts, claiming my threshold for pain is just low. you be glad i didn't slap the a&e records into your face.

oh well, tomorrow is another beautiful Monday.
I do hope this week gets better and I wanna forget nasty memories and restart my life 4 months back again.

xoxo,
pearl

at times the night seem too silent and cold for my liking
the streets too bare
the moon light too bright in the night sky
and the sound of unending thoughts whizzing in my head too loud

too much left unsaid
i prefer to be nonchalent and delusional

i like to live in my strawberry world
i hate reality
for it's like a needle
that bursts the bubble i confine myself to

i recently developed liking towards black and white.
just black and white
and grey is a colour i learn to detest
for it always an area that is hard to define

i wish i am like summer breeze. i am loved for a moment and i stay for that moment.

xoxo,
pearl

they say "don't judge a book by its cover"
indeed
OH MY BRAINS!!
nerd was an understatement. but still, bad impression. uh-uh. no room for negotiation.

neeways, i am dreaming of linguine with lots of garlic, fat slab of salmon belly and bruschetta.
if u ask me what makes the world go round?
i say, food. it makes one round.

food has a thing with me. especially rich flavours of meat, whole grain bread, cheese and desserts.

tomorrow's little reannie's bday celebration. heading down with dude and the art teachers. i quite like the thought of working at the same area with dude n sy. it's exhilarating

ogay, ogay. i need to sleep.
my tummy rumbles for pasta. i shall satisfy that craving soon.
i'm in love with my hair today.
it's AWESOME.

xoxo
pearl

turning 20
born on countdown
fashion grad
CHRISTIAN
s'porean
loves silence, sceneries, water activities, beach and hi teas
portfolio
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-curtsey-