can't help but feel tt i'm soooo useless..
well.. juz read my title.. it's totally true to wad i feel abt my self mann.. i feel tt i m such a burden to every1 arnd me.. tt i m so useless, dumb and cranky. a gd-for-nth too.. haiz.. or shld i say.. a bimbo wif no looks? wadeva.. i juz hate myself suddenly.. i caused so much 'unhappiness' yest.. haiz.. but ah ma juz keep an-weiing me.. saying is tt stupid darn guy's fault.. well.. but shuyuan and huifeng seems to be lke blaming me.. yupz.. only ah ma noes or rather has the clearest view of wad is happening.. all of my other frends r lke.. seen only 1/4 of the picture of wad is happening.. tt's y many ppl keep thinking is my fault.. is i nv tell him clearly & all tt crapx.. da fact is tt i told him very very clearly.. and i even rejected him mre than a million zillion times.. haiz.. he juz remains persistant.. tt time i broke off relations wif him.. he stopped pestering for a short period of time.. during tt period of time.. i felt sooooo happy.. thinking he had totally given up.. but guess wad? he did nt
yest nite.. he told me.. aft he broke off relations wif me his 'tai-ji zui zui'.. & those 'tai-ji' is gang-related.. wad's mre.. guiyu & sinyi both rejected him.. on top of tt.. his once-close frends lke caleb say tt he 'xian' his 'za-bo'.. dickson had some tiffs wif him.. and many mre probs lor.. yupz.. den those 'gan-nu-er' or 'gan-mei' or'gan-di'.. all tose 'gan-?' related ones seems to regret hafing a clser relation wif him.. we broke off relations for nt even 3 weeks.. all these probs arose.. and so u can imagine y he desperately wan me to be his gf.. evil as i alwaes seemed to be.. i thought of a white lie.. and i lied to him.. i said i lke a guy named brendson frm some eunos area.. and i told sherman to 'pa-ka' wif me.. mann.. wad a big liar i m..
nw.. he finally gave up.. aft 2 mnths.. he finally gave up.. but boyy.. he was sad. but for me.. i feel so much less stressed.. carefree.. and happy! i juz wanna continue my own lifee.. alife of carefree-ness, joy, no worries, & lovee.. i juz wanna find da rite guyy.. da prince of my life.. yupz.. so tt's y i've decided to remain single.. :]
this morning.. i had a big tiff wif my dad.. i ended crying lots.. welll.. my dad.. he is really v bad lor.. is lke he cares mre abt my results than anythg else.. no results no tok.. so tt's y i juz stared at him & said coldly," euu only care abt my results. euu don give a dam abt me." den i oso told him tt i haf to handle wif some personal struggles.. he juz simply brushed it aside & said," if euu can't produce da results tt means dere is smth wrong." boyy.. my dad is so bad.. and mean.. he only sees da results.. he even said.. u gt personal struggle wan meh? anyw u gt into trouble urself.. and all da crapz lar.. den da quarrel grew bigger when i said i don care abt ur feelings as a parent bcoz u did care abt my feelings.. i don see y i shld care.. yupz.. this was it mann.. he took my handphone and storm out of my room.. on tt very spot.. i wrote a letter.. packed my bag.. and was abt to run away frm home.. den later he ask me to sit down & tried toking thgs out.. i juz gave my attitude.. and diao him all da way.. anyw.. my bag is packed already.. i can run away frm home as & when i wishh to..
i can't stand living in a world of hatred, rejection and lots of fear.. how i wishh i cld run away frm tis world.. i attempt many silly thgs b4.. but was alwaes stopped in time.. boyy.. wan to die oso so hard sia.. but i gave up da idea of commiting suicide le.. coz it's no point.. die liao go hell worse.. so i juz hope tt some1 will accidentally kill me.. but it's lke so O.o" L.A.M.E!!!! no one ever does tt.. cz it's lke.. so lame lor.. haha
listening to jay chou - jie kou.. it juz makes me wanna cry.. & i donno y.. i m utterly confuse as to wad to do abt some unsolved probs.. haiz.. my parents think of me as an ah lian.. when i m nt! juz wanna sigh all day long.. haiz haiz haiz..
//gEt mE oUt oF tiS sorRoW-fuLL wOrLd..
