haiz..
wadeva.. wadeva.. haiz.. can't be bothered? haiz.. i dunno larx.. i dunno wad m i feeling.. why i'm feeling lke tt but.. i noe i'm feeling lke tt.. lolx.. sounds so dOtx.. juz feel tt i can't get along well wif mama and papa.. haiz.. my parents r ok bah.. maybe it all lies wif me.. i dunno.. maybe i'm too sensitive..
frm young coz dey r lke the serious type.. so i alwaes took wad dey said to heart.. & i mean really to heart tt kind.. haiz.. it's lke.. dey r v nt careful wif words.. and sometimes coz of wad dey say to me.. i feel hurt.. and i cry.. silently at nite.. hugging my pillow to myself.. nudging it sometimes.. and my tears just stream down.. dey juz flow and flow.. lke a river.. i can't stop crying.. sometimes dey really hurt me.. and i felt really sad.. i wan to give dem da impression of me being strong.. so i told myself not to cry infront of dem.. once.. when i was really feeling sad inside.. my mum told me to go down and buy smthg to eat.. i had no appetite cz i was feeling kinda horrible.. but my mum was so insensitive.. she scolded me for not eating.. i cried and cried in my rm aft she left my rm.. i did it silently.. in a corner.. she made me felt even worser.. much worser.. my dad somehow saw me weeping.. but did he care.. NO.. he walked away..
maybe i'm too sensitive.. i dunno.. i dun lke restrictions.. i mean.. dUh.. hu likes.. & sometimes i tink dey give me too many restrictions.. haiz.. can't watch tv till a certain time.. comp even worse.. can't use aft 10pm.. unless comp already awitched on.. even if switched on.. haf to b switched off by 11pm.. wad is this mann.. give me mre feedom.. less restrictions.. haiz.. den i've got to reach home by the most 7pm.. or 11pm.. haiz.. feeling really frustrated by this too.. haiz.. its lke its aft exams and my mum wans me to do chi.. do this do tt.. k.. i've got enuff of all these.. heyy.. exams r over can u just give me some play time.. some time of my own.. she don'y allow me to use the comp yest.. haiz.. was really angry wif her.. sick and tired of restrictions.. i was really v angry wif my mum yest.. slam the door.. slam it real hard.. but aft slamming it.. i juz drift to slp.. dun wanna tink too much.. but i can't
i really hate everythg.. i've lost faith and confidence.. totally.. crying all alone in my room.. i really wonder when it'll b the time i die.. how i wish.. everythg isn't lke tt.. haiz.. i totally lost confidence in myself, my teachers, my parents, everyone.. even Him? i've long long lost confidence in my parents.. i feel tt wad dey say can't really b trusted at times.. coz.. it's a long story.. dun feel lke relating it..
really worried abt my grades.. haiz.. as i said to ah ma.. if my grades r poor.. i'll really break down.. and i tink i'll haf a serious emotional breakdown.. haiz.. i really m dam sad liao.. if my grades r not up to standard.. haiz.. tt's the end mann.. haha.. i really feel dam weird.. dunno y.. feel tt everythg suck.. sch suck.. and i.. i suck.. i suck totally.. i'm such a meanie sometimes. and i dun wanna b lke tt anymre.. wad's mre.. i hate to b known as ah lian.. but.. but.. my parents tink of me as a gal tt's gonna b one.. sometimes.. dey seem to prefer my bro.. overheard somethg dey said.. somethg lke i v rebellous and stuff.. den how to treat me gd if i'm so bad.. and i was tinking dey nv said tt abt gor.. sometimes scold him for being untidy tt's all.. haiz.. maybe dey prefer my bro lehx.. still rmb mum said pa was really happy when gor was born not me.. when i was born.. maybe it juz seemed lke another thg.. wadeva.. tt's me. i'm so useless.. and wadeva..
now she scolding me again.. say wan to slap me and all tt.. haiz.. say me rude say me this say me tt.. haiz.. suan le bah.. even if i die.. i dun tink anyone wld care.. esp dem... maybe dey'll even b happier..
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