bleeding heart meets bottled feelings.
double pain. bleeding heart. bottled feelings. tt's all i've gotta say bout me. tt's me, ME!
i dun wanna let my feelings out. pour out wadeva shit within me n thgs liddat. juz wanna appear happy. i told ya, looks may b deceiving. now, i hate to tell ppl how i feel. not 'cuz i feel lousy, but cuz' i dun wan ppl to pity me. or is it my own self-pity? *um.. wonders.* but yes, I'M FEELING REALLY LOUSY NOW!!! i hate wad's happening now, but i noe i gotta face the music. wadeva tune it may be in. call me a quitter or a L.loser, but yes, I REAP WAD I SOW. I FACE WAD I DESERVE!
wadeva the grades may b, i thank God for them. how lousy i fair, i thank God for His goodness. yes, i thank God. cuz wad i reap i sow. no use crying over spilled milk. if i get lousy grades, MOVE ON! n score better the nxt time round. i'm not being mean. i'm trying to motivate others, or rather myself. ther's always hope, if u try. if u'll pick urself up n say, " failures wil b failures, but they shan't hinder me frm gettin success"
wad i reap i sow. likewise, wad u reap u sow. though i put in effort, the fruits of my labour is not bountiful. i admit.
double pain. yes, pain. i jolly well say it's cuz of him. no, it's them [E' n E"]. how i wish i knew wad they r thinkin. how i knew how E' felt, wad's he tinking n y is he misleading ppl. i wanna noe has he eva felt the way i tot he wud feel? how i knew wad E" was tinkin too. does he really lke ____, or is this juz a nightmare, a hallucination, my over-sensitivity? i hpe so though.
anyw, i lied. i tot i could decieve myself, delude others. but no, i'm wrong. n i decide to admit tis aft reading an email. tis is an extract of it:
Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of r.e.j.e.c.t.i.o.n was too hard to handle?
We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we
don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.
But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.
Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.
Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done, or could have had.
mann. it was lke pointin to me, tellin me, HEY, IT'S TOKING BOUT U!!! gosh. it's lke a double edged sword pointing at me, so dangerous, i daren't move.
lastly, i admit, i told the lie cuz i'm afraid, not of rejection solely, but bcuz i was afraid how ppl wud react, how they'ld feel, wad wud happen nxt n oso, i was v afraid wad i say wud mke me fall further. further into a tangle of mess i can hardly breathe, i can hardly come out.
but lies r SO wrong. so i'm sorry. n b4 i sign out, i admit, i haf a crush on tt person whom U tot it to be. i shan't keep tt secret till my grave anymre:))
