heh.
after seeing joy's tag on my tagboard, i guess my previous post was beyond comprehendsion.
well, i guess i felt very hurt, confused and weird hence i just trashed out how i felt.
i duno.
i take back my words.
i duno how i feel now....
i'm kinda lke confused.
anyway, i had a chat with k over the phone.
and i suddenly thought about the times i had with d*
i teared and unknowingly wished i had control over time and over my emotions.
i suddenly felt i'm a really not good person/friend/student/gf...
i seriously feel that after that long chat, i think k is seriously damn nice.
all these while, i think she's been giving in, doing her role but well, it takes two to make the relationship work.
and i do und why smtimes she wants a break up, cause' she's just way too tired.
no matter how much u try to make things work, if the other party doesn't respond, at the end of the day, u feel tired, lost, stressed, worked up and u just wanna break free or grab his attention
it suddenly dawn on me about my little tantrums, my black face, my i-want-it-this-way and my little demands that make things sour.
i guess, i'm just not nice.
or rather very ugly inside.
there's this sudden rise of nice people, mild tempered and very forgiving kind of people around me.
and it really made me think.
why can't i at times just not be so anal about everythg
why can't i learn to keep quiet
why can't i just control my temper.
why can't i stop my big fuss.
i felt stupid to cry
but i seriously felt lousy.
today was rather shaky.
i walked home from the mrt stnt.
and when i reached home, i went to my room
and i just sat there and thought alot
somehow, i thought about the things that you said
and the things that i did
and the way i treated not just u but also some ppl around me
and i felt bad.
well... i duno. i feel really ugly inside.
i realise i need to slow things down.
i realise i should step a step back
i realise i should not be so mean
i realise i should control my temper
i realise i should not be demanding
i realise that crying is so silly and i should just stop
ah.
i once prayed for patience
and i realise i'm more patient
thanks to the kids at the art center
i guess i did pray for a better temper
and i can feel it coming
sorry folks.
pearlyn finally realise she's not so angelic afterall
sorry for that long wait:D
[add-on]
i realise that living in denial wasn't the solution
i don't know to believe u
for ur words don't really tally with ur actions
i feel left out in ur life
i will never be the priority in ur life.
as much as i wish to.
why am i so bothered by all these
didn't i say u're free to choose
sorry.
just ignore me.
i'm just being irritating tnite.
