at times, it's not that i'm not hurting
or that i get over things fast
i choose to divert my thoughts away from it
and tell myself "it's in the past"
there is an unwillingness in me
to just take everything as it is
cause is it really me that is the thorn
or is it high expectations
there is a cry in me
that yells "UNFAIR! THIS IS UNFAIR"
i don't think i deserved it. i really don't
but at the end of the day,
i make peace with people
i'm always the one who give in
so much so, i wonder if there is just anyone who actually stands by me
try being screamed at, scolded or told off for minor things
and having to say i'm sorry first
even when my work is copied
so in-my-face-ly
what can i say? what can i do?
i feel so much lke slapping the person
or say, "give the credits to me"
that's just fair, isn't it?
but life doesn't work things out for me like this all the time
at times i feel as though i cannot afford to make a single mistake
for every mistake made causes me another consequence
and it's always a huge one
i seriously don't get life
and i never will
it's really awful to knw your arm is still hurting at this moment
while things are going on
things at work, things out of work
after ranting, maybe i'll feel better and just move on with life
jo asked me why i feel motivated to come early even after shit happens
and in my heart, my answer was it's because i'm used to it
i forgot the definition of joy
or the meaning of recognition
being creative is one thing
being noticed is another
tomorrow will be good
i know it will
xoxo,
pearl
